|And the Brand Job|
|Season 4, Episode 5|
|Air date||November 24, 2014|
And the Old Bike Yarn
And the Model Apartment
In the diner, Max introduces herself to two strangely dressed customers. The man tells her that he'd have never of guessed she was their waitress based on her uniform, and her name based on her name tag saying 'Max' on it. Max tells them she only makes three dollars, she says it's must seem like lot of money in the 1920's where they're from. The man hands her a bottle of wine and asks her to bring them two glasses. She goes over to the counter where Earl and Caroline are and tells them about the rude customers, she asks what it means. Caroline replies wine swap, and the three of them head into the kitchen where Oleg is. Max tells him to grab a bottle of the two dollar Merlot, which he gets from his cousin with a hole in his neck. Oleg leaves to retrieve the wine. Max hands the bottle to Caroline so she can check the price. It's very expensive. Oleg brings the cheap replacement back and warns them that he'd been keeping it in his gym bag. Caroline begins opening the expensive wine and asks Max if she thinks waitresses used to do that to her when she had money. Max tells her that they did if she had an attitude, and they both agree it was a yes. Earl can't remember if it reminds him of an old heist movie he saw, or an old heist he actually participated in. Max finishes pouring the cheap wine into the expensive ones bottle - having already poured the expensive one out into a large glass - commenting that they're like Ocean 7/11, but they're missing a tiny Asian guy who can fit in small boxes. Han comes in and Earl hides the glass full of wine, while Caroline hides the funnel Max had been using to pour the wine. Table ten is looking for their wine. Max says no problem and heads out with the bottle and two glasses on a tray. Han asks why she's smiling, and wonders if his trousers are on fire again.
At the cupcake window, Max is throwing cupcakes at rats. She takes a time out, the rat is eating her ammo. Caroline announces that business is down again, it's clear - not getting ahead. Max asks if that's what's wrong with her, she's not getting any head. It's their future, they need to get serious about making money. Max agrees, but still asks if they can leave early. Caroline scolds her, no other business got successful by leaving early. Caroline also says they can't leave early, the sign says they're open until 2am. Max asks if they're just supposed to hang around there for whatever nut jobs are trolling around town. Sophie arrives at the window along with Oleg, asking them to guess what they're going to do that will probably give them Hep-C. They're getting matching tattoos. Oleg explains that they want something that represents their relationship - so two butterflies doing the nasty during CSI: Miami. Caroline says it's romantic, and that it will help identify the bodies. Sophie says that matching tattoos are the deepest expression of commitment. Oleg agrees but adds that pooping in front of each other is a second one. Sophie says she wouldn't poop in front of her man, she poops at McDonald's because she's a lady. She takes a cupcake and the two of them leave. Caroline tells Max they need to start charging Sophie for the cupcakes she takes, it's time for them to get serious about the business. Max agrees but still wants to leave early. Last night after one o'clock they only made 15 dollars. Caroline corrects her - they made $14.63 - Max rolls her eyes, and Caroline says that math is her thing. She asks if Max would be rolling her eyes if she were standing across from Eminem and he started rapping, Max says she would. Max gives her fifteen dollars and tells Caroline she's leaving, but first she wants her change back from the $14.63. Caroline agrees but only if Max can tell her how much that is. Max leaves without the change.
As Max and Caroline walk into a building carrying white boxes, Max announces it's a very big day for her. Caroline asks why, if it's because of the totally-out-of-the-blue order they received to do cupcakes for the business seminar. Max says no, it's the first time she'd entered a place like that through a door. Usually it's by window or freight elevator, and one time she rolled in under some girls quinceañera dress. A woman with a clip board stands up from a desk and announces that the seminar is about to start, and she has unclaimed name tags. As she begins listing names Max asks what kind of losers would go to the seminar, and then the women lists 'Max' and 'Caroline'. Caroline tells Max that she wouldn't call them losers. Caroline pulls her to the side and explains that there wasn't a cupcake order, she signed them up for the seminar. Max asks if she carried cupcakes on the subway for nothing, the annoying woman next to her talked the whole time. Caroline says that she was sitting next to her, she knew Max wouldn't come otherwise and she needed to be there. Max claims it's a business intervention. Caroline says it isn't but pulls out a list of ways Max's behavior has effected her lately. Max can't believe it. At least at her last interventions she was drunk. Caroline tells her that the speaker - Gordon Kepper - is a genius, and that he'll give their business a real bump. Max tells her that guys giving her a bump is the reason they threw her the second intervention. She tells Caroline they're going, and goes to leave but Caroline doesn't follow, Max just shrugs it off and tells her 'see ya'. Caroline asks if that's Max's new thing, walking out on her. Max says she learnt it from her family. Caroline says it's just two days, Max says no, but when Caroline tells her there's a buffet and desert bar she agrees with a grin. Caroline tells Max to wait while she goes and pays, Max says they're not paying and grabs two of the spare name tags. 'Pamela' and 'Ellen'. Then asks Caroline to follow her to the freight elevator, Caroline says no, but then when Max asks how much it costs and Caroline replies 'a thousand dollars' she realizes it's a bad idea to pay and she follows Max to sneak in. The speaker is talking about how they're there to not only find out what they are as a business, but who they are. Max says that she's a lady who's hoping there's macaroni and cheese at the buffet. Gordon says that who they are, is their brand, and that saying a brand is simply a name is like saying Abraham Lincoln is simply a name. Or Mahatma Gandhi, or God. Max asks who Gordon thinks he is. Gordon immediately says that he's sure they're wondering 'who does this guy think he is?' Caroline says that was weird. He then says 'maybe this seems weird.' Caroline is shocked, she has chills. When it comes to business people come up to him all the time, they tell him business is hard but they do what they can and shrug. He asks if that's the right attitude, the audience - along with Caroline - say no, while Max says yes. He says that he tells those people 'don't do what you can, can what you do.' And asks if they get it. Everyone, including Caroline, says yes - Max says no. He asks them to reach under their chairs and pick up what they find there. Max says she hopes it's a way out of there. They retrieve a large can full of balls. He tells them that in the cans is the key to success. Truth is the key to business, if people buy what you're saying, they'll buy what you're selling. Caroline tells Max to stay alert. Gordon tells them that he likes to think of the things they're holding as his 'truth balls'. Max wants to skip the truth balls and get to the meat balls. He tells them, anytime in the next two days if anyone is up there selling them something that's bull then toss - he doesn't get to finish the sentence as Max hits him in the face with one of the 'truth balls'. Caroline scolds her. But the guy is happy. That's what he's talking about. Whoever threw it isn't afraid to really go for it, which will go a long way to success in business. Max loudly says 'okay' and proceeds to ask if it's a long way to go to the buffet because she's starving. Everyone is split into groups sat on chairs in circles. Gordon is walking around them talking. The small groups are think tanks. He wants them to work together and bring out their very best. Max has fallen asleep. Caroline is shocked and slaps her arm to wake her up. Gordon asks 'Ellen' to tell them what she has, and they'll tell her what they think. Max looks around and Caroline reminds her that's her. Max says she's definitely an Ellen, and proceeds to dance to demonstrate. Gordon dances over and dances with her. She says that it's now weird and sits back down. Gordon puts his hands on her shoulders and asks to hear her 'BBB', her 'Brilliant Business Brand'. Max says she doesn't do the talking, Pamela does and hands off to Caroline who springs to her feet and introduces herself as 'Pam Phanning'. She explains they make beautiful artisan cupcakes. Max says they're still cool, though. And Caroline says that she didn't say they weren't cool. Max says maybe they didn't sound cool coming out of her face. Caroline says actual words are better than 'uh, uh, uhh, uh.' Gordon asks them to hold for a moment, sometimes in business 'partner ships' sail in different directions. And they need to figure out if they're going to continue to sail apart, or reconvene at the port of mutual understanding. Caroline says they can't sail too far apart because she's going to have to explain what he just said to Max. Max says she understood, she's a boat and she's trying to get away from Caroline, sounds right to her. Gordon says to think it over and come back tomorrow and tell him who their business is, and he'll help guide them towards that purpose. He says that they need to remember they can't spell purpose without - Max interrupts with 'Pus!' - Caroline tells him they're gonna go away and get it together and come back and blow him away. Max starts to say 'you can't spell blow you away without' but Caroline cuts her off telling him they're leaving.
At the diner Max and Caroline are sitting in one of the booths. Han welcomes them to the Williamsburg diner and asks if he can get them anything, like a work ethic. Caroline tells him that they're pitching their brand tomorrow and that they need to get on the same page. Max says they don't want to work there for the rest of their lives. Han says they're all on the same page. Caroline asks for ten minutes, then they'll get to work. Han says he's waited four years, he can wait ten minutes more and leaves. Caroline was thrown by what Max said that day. Max asks if she meant when she said the best sex she had was alone on the tilt-a-whirl. Caroline asks why that would throw her, Max says that every day. The thing about Caroline not sounding cool, Max says she says that every day too, and Caroline says that it's normally not referring to her speaking about the business. Caroline asks if it was the word 'artisan'. Max says it sounds like 'fartisan' as in 'a fart is in this room right now'. Earl tells Caroline someone finally called her out on it. Caroline was thinking their slogan could be 'Max's Homemade Cupcakes - Sugar and Spice'. Max says she'd rather go with 'fartisan.' Max says their business isn't working. Han, who was walking past carrying two plates of food, asks them to guess who is working - him, the damn owner - he walks off again. Max asks why Caroline's surprised - she knows how many cupcakes they're not selling. Max says Caroline is eating at least six a night to make Max think they're selling more. Caroline says that's also because she's sad. Max says that she knows Caroline went to Wharton and all, Caroline interrupts asking if this is a business intervention on her. Caroline says she doesn't hear Max coming up with any ideas to fix their business. Max says that's because Caroline doesn't listen. Max asks if Caroline remembers when she told her that they should stop making flowery cupcakes and just make ones that say mean things like 'eat it' and 'lick me'. Caroline asks if that's her big idea, just cupcakes that say 'eat it' and 'lick me'. Max says they'd say other funny things too, like 'loser' and 'eat your feelings'. Caroline asks why they don't just shoot people in the face when they come to the window. Max continues, she thought the back of their shirt could just say 'cream filled' she says it would be so funny if a hot girl was wearing it - she continues to say it'd be even funnier if it was a fat guy. Caroline says that maybe Gordon was right, their partner ships are sailing in different directions, her 'sugar and spice' ship is going one way and Max's 'mean and ugly booze cruise' is going another. Caroline suggests that tomorrow they both pitch their separate ideas. Max agrees.
At the second day of the seminar Hannah and Todd are pitching their business brand. They make guitar case suitcases, they're suitcases that look like guitar cases. Gordon comments that so far there are no truth balls being thrown, which means people believe that's who they are. Max, still wearing the 'Ellen' tag, throws a truth ball at Gordon. Caroline asks if their big idea is just throwing your crap in a guitar case, Max comments that it's no 'fartisan' cupcake. Gordon asks if they got together with the seminar's graphic artist to create a logo. They did. They stayed up all night. A t-shirt comes up on the screen behind them saying 'I'm with the band' - the word band is shaped like the body of a guitar, while the other words form the neck and fret board. They announce that's their company name and everyone begins throwing the truth balls. Hannah runs off the stage and Todd yells at them that she just got out of rehab. Gordon says that business isn't for the faint of heart, or cocaine addicts. He calls up Ellen and Pam. Caroline asks Max if she's really going to go up there and sell her idea as a business plan, Max says she is and that she feels pretty good about it. Caroline explains to Gordon that they're presenting their brands separately. Gordon announces that they'll be having a 'brand off'. The woman from earlier that had the clipboard stands up and announces very loudly that she's feeling it. She gives the microphone to 'Ellen'. Max begins her presentation. At first she has truth balls thrown at her but then she moves onto her logo. A giant cupcake on a vest top. Gordon asks where the business name is, Max says she didn't want one. Gordon's concerned that she wants to make shirts for her business with no business connection, he says it's her journey - but it might end there. She says that it's a cupcake, and she sells cupcakes, and that's the business. Someone throws a truth ball and she hits it away with the microphone. Max says that if they can't see that the shirt is cool the seminar isn't worth the thousand dollars she paid, tells them 'peace out' and drops the mic before sitting back down. Gordon says in business they call that a melt down, and that it happens. He calls up Pamela. Caroline tells Max she doesn't have to go up there, they can just leave. Max makes a mean comment, and Caroline tells her she was only going to leave because Max failed, she believes in her ideas. Caroline gets up onto the stage and begins. She tells them she represents 'Max's Homemade Cupcakes'. Gordon asks her to stop for a moment, and asks why 'Max's' cupcakes, why not 'Ellen's' or 'Pam's'. Caroline says Max is a very special person and the inspiration for their business. Gordon asks if Max is an emotional touch stone for their business and Caroline says yes, Max smiles. Caroline continues by showing their current logo, she figures if it isn't broke don't fix it - it works just fine currently. The audience throws truth balls. Caroline explains that the logo shows sweet imagery because they're two girls trying to retro re-purpose the phrase 'sugar and spice and everything nice'. More truth balls are thrown. Max jumps up yelling at them to leave Pam alone. Caroline says she believes in them and their special brand of artisan cupcakes - Max yells why at the word 'artisan' - and more truth balls are thrown. Max begins to yell 'eat it! Eat it you losers!' and the balls stop being thrown. Gordon comments on this, and says that 'eat it you losers' might be their brand. He says the two of them are a combination of sugar and spice, and things not so nice. He says that he needs them to pay Sandra - the woman with the clipboard - for the seminar. They leave.
In the cupcake shop Caroline arrives and asks Max to guess what she has under her coat. Max says she knows it's not a boob reduction. Caroline opens her jacket and shows her a pink vest with the logo Max designed on it. Max is disappointed that someone already made it, she thought she invented it. Caroline tells her it's her shirt, she got the rendering at the seminar and had it made at 'we can make anything in under an hour' the place under the bridge near the under-age bar where Max got under arrest. Caroline turns around and pulls down her jacket to show Max that it says 'cream filled' on the back. Max is really excited. Caroline says a girl at the place asked her where she could get one. Max asks what made her change her mind about the shirts. Caroline says that she learnt at Wharton that success depends on staying open to a better idea. Even if it's not yours. She hands Max a shirt out of her bag, telling her she thought Max would prefer a black one. Max says in tinder and in life.
- The production code for this episode was #2J6905.
- This episode was live-filmed on September 16th, 2014 at 5pm.
International Air DatesEdit
- UK: February 26, 2015 on E4.
- David Hoffman - Gordon
- Joe Nunez - Greg
- Megan Davis - Hannah
- Nick McCallum - Todd
- Marisa Guterman - Ramona Lisa
- Aimee McKay - Sandra
- Brian Zarin - Hipster Man