|And the Model Apartment|
|Season 4, Episode 6|
|Air date||December 8, 2014|
|Writer||Linda Videtti Figueiredo|
And the Brand Job
And a Loan for Christmas
At the apartment, Caroline is sat at the counter working on her laptop. She asks Max how she'd describe their apartment. Max tells her no one is going to pay money to rent their apartment, they haven't in six months. Caroline tells her that everyone else in Williamsburg is making money renting their crappy places on AirBnb. She tells Max they're going to lie to make people want to stay there. So Max starts describing the apartment, and Caroline writes down the opposite. Describe the neighborhood; Max tells her it's rundown with a bunch of rats, Caroline writes down that it's got old world charm, and it's pet friendly. What type of people live there; Max replies with 'junkies, whores, homeless.' Caroline writes down actors. Do they have a hot tub? Sometimes. Gym? Max says two, gay Jim upstairs and straight Jim across the hall who's only gay when he's drunk. Caroline reads out the next question, which is 'when is your space available? Always, sometimes, one time.' Max says it's like their sex life. Always for Max, sometimes out of boredom, and one time for Caroline.
Caroline walks into the diner for her shift and asks Earl to guess what her and Max did. Earl tells her he knows what they didn't do; clean the dessert carousel. Caroline tells him that they rented their apartment on AirBnb, he mishears her and thinks she says 'Arabs', he says that she won't get it back they tend to be territorial. She explains that AirBnb is an agency that rents to out-of-towners, and she guesses also local men who are cheating on their wives. She heads over to the counter announcing to Max that she did it. Max says she knows, when she was 18 with Prince Harry - or so she says. Caroline tells her they have three offers for their apartment, Max can't understand how. Caroline found the perfect sales pitch 'have the authentic Williamsburg experience.' Anyone can stay in a hotel, but how often can you say you went to New York and stayed in a 'Brooklyn bohemian barn apartment with a live in horse.' Now they just have to choose who gets their apartment. Caroline begins to read descriptions. The first one is a guy 'looking to get away from it all.' Max says that one is a suicide. Caroline reads the second one, 'a married couple looking to reconnect.' Max says that one is a murder suicide. The third is a 'girls get away weekend for some fashion model friends.' Max says it's a couple of chubby girls looking to murder some pints of Ben and Jerry's with maybe a suicide of mac and cheese. Sophie enters and tells them it's cold out and she'd like a hot chocolate. Earl says he's right there, and Oleg tells him off. She announces that she's going on a trip. Max asks if it's mushrooms or acid, and Sophie explains that she's going to Vermont. Caroline asks if her and Max can stay at her place while they rent out the apartment with Sophie being gone too. When Sophie hears that they're renting the apartment she asks if they're filming Survivor there.
At the apartment, Max and Caroline are getting ready for the models to arrive. Max asks when the losers are arriving and Caroline tells her they're not losers, they just paid to spend a weekend in their apartment. Then she retracts her comment about them not being losers and says they are. There's a knock at the door and Max says it's a hand that's scooped some ice cream. Caroline opens it to reveal a group of pretty girls. Caroline's surprised, and Max comments that she's now gay. Caroline asks the first one if she's Lily Aldridge, she nods and a blonde girl behind her introduces herself as Martha. Caroline realizes it's Martha Hunt, she asks Max if she knows who they are. Max says that Martha is the one she leaves Lily for. Caroline tells her they're Victoria's Secret models. Martha explains that they all wanted to hang out in New York before they leave for London. Lily says that's where they're doing the fashion show this year. Max tells them she worked at a Victoria's Secret for one day, she got fired for eating Panda Express over the thongs. Caroline introduces Max and herself, then tells the models that she used to be rich - she felt the need to say that. Lily introduces the other three models and Caroline invites them inside. Lily comments that it looks bigger than the photos. Max asks why they chose to stay there. Lily says the kitchen is really cute, and Max asks how she can walk the runway blind. Martha says they always stay at the same Four Seasons. Max says they'll experience at least two seasons there because the thermostat is broken. It's forty outside and a hundred in the apartment. Caroline tells them that the barn is right through the door and they head out to have a look, Max and Caroline hang back in the apartment to talk. Caroline says it's so exciting that supermodels are staying at their apartment, and she wants to tell all her friends. She then realizes that she kinda just did. The two of them head outside. Caroline introduces them to Chestnut, telling them it's his real mane. She opens the sky light and Sophie shouts down that they should come up already, she wants to get going to her college reunion. Martha is surprised that they talk to their neighbors, she talked to her neighbor once and the next thing she knew she had a long letter from Naomi Watts saying to leave her husband alone. Max says they've known each other for five minutes now and she wants to know where her free bra is, the one she has now is down to just a frame.
In Sophie's apartment Caroline is blow drying her hair in the bathroom. Max comes into the bedroom carrying a mug and announces that Sophie's apartment is amazing. Caroline says she'd marry the shower head but it's already attached to the wall. Max sets down her mug and climbs onto Sophie's bed, she immediately sinks so deeply into it that she disappears. Caroline comes out of the bathroom and looks around, when she can't see Max she calls out and Max pops back up. Max says the bed is like being in the womb without all the second hand smoke. Caroline climbs onto the bed next to her and says that Martha and Lily are really sweet, and it's exciting to be back hanging with celebrities. Max says that maybe now Caroline can get a new celebrity story, she's tired of hearing how someone thought Caroline was Gwyneth Paltrow from behind. The two are surprised when they hear laughter and music coming from their apartment through the open window. Caroline asks Max what she thinks they're laughing at, and Max replies that they probably found their account balance on an ATM slip. Caroline wants to go see but can't get off the bed, she asks Max to give her a shove and as Max does so she comments that it's good practice for the eventual cliff. Caroline runs to the window and looks out to see the models have stripped off and are drinking beer outside in the underwear with Chestnut. Some of them are wearing their wings. Caroline turns and asks Max about how when it's hot they just sit, sweat, and point fans at their junk. She says the models do it a bit differently since they're out there in their underwear dancing and drinking beers. Max says the guy on the corner does that all the time, but goes to the window to look too. Max says she can't take her eyes off the beer. Lily spots them and shouts up a hello, she invites them downstairs to have some beer with them. Max comments that she wishes she had the wings too then she could get down there faster.
At the diner Earl asks what the big news is, he asks if the health inspector found out that the imitation crab meat is cat. Max says it's technically imitation cat. That isn't what they're announcing, though. Han walks in and says it better be quick he's in the middle of something. Caroline says they have some friends coming in for a meal and they don't want them to embarrass them and overreact. Earl says he's seventy-something years old with a history of heart trouble, he keeps it in check. The models walk in and call hello to Max and Caroline. Earl says that he keeps his heart pills in his pocket, he heads into the kitchen to avoid giving himself heart problems. Caroline says that, yes, they Victoria's Secret models, and they're friends of theirs. The previous night they stayed up late trashing Kate Moss. Han is excited that he has models in his diner, but then realizes he wore the wrong sweater vest, Max tells him he also wore the wrong face, body, and personality. Max and Caroline head over to say hello. Caroline comments that she loves her life again, and Max asks the models where her free bra is again now that it's been a whole day. Caroline scolds her and Max says that the one she has on is on its last legs, the previous night she heard it coughing. Martha explains to Max and Caroline that they're having a party and inviting a few friends over. Max says that's cool. Oleg comes out of the kitchen carrying a plate, he tells the ladies he's a big fan and gives them, compliments of the chef, his specialty - popsicles. He says they taste best when sucked slowly using plenty of tongue facing the kitchen.
That night Caroline is watching the party out of the window while Max lays on Sophie's bed. Caroline is complaining that they're not invited to the party. She shouts out of the window and Lily shouts up to ask if they woke them, telling Caroline to go back to sleep. Caroline is shocked and offended, she asks Max why the models think they're so lame. Max says it's probably because she's throwing around words like 'yoohoo' and 'thang' like a mom bringing cheetos down to a slumber party. Caroline blames Max, the models were obsessed with them until Max started asking for bras like a bra-less homeless person. Max says they'll never get any sleep with all the music and asks Caroline to check the drawers for earplugs, Sophie has to have some since she's living upstairs from Caroline. Caroline does so and tells Max that she's found plugs but she doesn't think they're for your ears.
The two of them walk out of Sophie's apartment and Caroline pauses to lock the door. She's saying that they'll just pop downstairs and say hello, fashion is her scene. Max says that what she's seen is the price tag, which is hanging out of the back of Caroline's outfit. Caroline tells her to tuck it back in, she has to return it. As they go to head downstairs, the door opposite opens and Sophie comes out. She thought it was the man with the Greek food. Max says she's gotta start waxing her upper lip more. Caroline asks why Sophie isn't in Vermont, and Sophie says that she lied, she didn't go. She stayed in town to spy on Oleg because she has trust issues. Caroline asks whose apartment it is she's staying at. Sophie says it's Jim's, Caroline asks if it's straight Jim or gay Jim's. A man shouts for Sophie saying she left her purse, then pauses to look at it in the doorway commenting that it might be his. He hands it to her and then greets Max and Caroline as 'salt and pepper.' The two girls look at each other and say 'gay Jim's.' Sophie asks them not to tell Oleg that she's still in town following him around. She says that so far he's been cool but you know the old saying. 'Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, your balls are in a jar.'
Max and Caroline go downstairs to find a large man standing in their doorway. Caroline's excited that she has a doorman again. Max says it's weird to see a man standing in their doorway without a warrant, an eviction notice, or a bible. The two of them go through the crowd to talk to the man. Caroline introduces them and says they live there. He tells them not according to the list. Caroline says she has a key, and the man says the key is to be on the list which they're not. Max says she can prove they live there. She tells him to go over to the window, kick the side of the radiator, a panel will open up, where he'll find a half smoked joint, and another half smoked joint. Which proves - he interrupts her to say that she's a poor pot head. Caroline says it's crazy that she's begging to get into a place she's been trying to get out of. The man says it's a very exclusive party, and Caroline tells him it's a dump, she knows, she lives there.
They walk into Sophie's room and Caroline announces the night couldn't get any worse, as she turns the light on the two of them realize Oleg is sitting on the bench in his underwear and vest. He tells them to turn the light off, he's trying to watch the Victoria's Secret model party with his night vision goggles. Max asks how he got in, and he says it's his girlfriends apartment - he broke in. Caroline says that, yes, it's his girlfriends apartment, where he's sitting in the dark watching models out of the window with night vision goggles. Oleg says his pants are on, Caroline says that they're not. Oleg looks down and says that isn't his fault, with five Victoria's Secret supermodels downstairs they took themselves off. Max asks if he's trying to say he's the victim here. Caroline asks what Sophie would say if she came home and saw him sat there. Oleg says that she'd tell him to stop hogging the goggles. Caroline tells him that Vermont is closer than he thinks. Oleg says he doesn't know where the argument is going but he's going to the supermodel party. Max tells him that he's no George Clooney, he'll never do any better than Sophie, she's hot and clearly has no sense of smell. He says he loves Sophie and that he'll go home. He stands then sits back down, telling them he doesn't trust himself to walk past their apartment - they'd better lock him in there. One of the models shouts up telling Max and Caroline to hurry downstairs. Caroline is excited and asks Max if she's coming. Max says downstairs has an open bar and upstairs has Oleg. As they go to leave Caroline asks Oleg if they should tie him up, and he says that'd just make him hornier. He closes the window as they leave.
Downstairs the two of them make their way through the crowd. Caroline says that she knew they'd invite them, last night she taught Petra how to eat bread without tearing it up first. The doorman says he was a navy seal and that they shouldn't try anything. Max says that she lived in a refrigerator box for a month, with no top. Not the box, her. Lily calls them into the apartment and Caroline tells him that they were invited. Lily tells them that the toilet's blocked and she doesn't know what to do. She asks if one of them could call the concierge. Max says sure and calls Caroline's name. Caroline asks if she called them down just because of the toilet, Lily says no - the sink is backed up too. Max says she'll do the toilet, she was almost born in one. She opens the bathroom door and water floods out. Max says they've got some floaters, and that she's gonna need a plunger and a lobotomy. Caroline says that happens with vintage toilets, it's part of that old world charm, she rushes over to the kitchen and Max calls to her that she's got some charm stuck on her loofah. Max shouts that she needs the plunger, she doesn't want to die that way. Caroline tells her it's caught on something, and manages to pull it free from under the sink, knocking over a bucket as she does so a bunch of rats run out. The models and their party guests begin screaming and running away, the guests immediately leave while the five models jump onto the furniture. Lily asks what sort of dump the apartment is. Max says that they wanted the Williamsburg experience - this is it.
The models are packed and ready to leave. Caroline peers out of the bathroom window and says that she's got good news, she's got Martha's flat iron looking pretty much back to normal. Martha tells her to keep it. Max comes out with a full black plastic bag, she apologies for using their cashmere sweaters but when they ran out of paper towels they did scream 'just use anything, make it stop.' Caroline says they'll pay to have them all dry cleaned. Martha tells her to keep them. Lily comes out of Max's room and says they can leave now, she's off the phone with her therapist. Caroline says they don't have to pay for the weekend, Lily says no way and gives her a cheque, along with her therapists phone number. She comments that she doesn't know how they're standing up without him. Max says that one month the floor opened up and swallowed them, this was nothing. Caroline agrees that they've been through worse. Martha says it's cool how they support each other. Speaking of support, she picks up a group of hangers with bras on and hands them to Max. Max is excited, telling Caroline it's a brananza. Lily says Caroline doesn't really need to wear a bra but she has something for her. A pair of her own wings, Lily tells her that the apartment may be hell but Caroline's a real angel. Caroline thanks them and asks why they didn't invite them to the party. Lily says she thought Martha did, and Martha says she thought Lily did. The two of them both smile and say 'model moment.'
At the diner Oleg calls Caroline to pick up. Caroline comes out of the kitchen wearing her wings, Han - who is sat at the counter - comments that he always knew she'd die there. Caroline strides over and collects the plate. Oleg puts out a second one and shouts Max to pick up. Max walks out of the other door to the kitchen wearing an orange bra over her uniform. Oleg comments that she looks good, she takes the plate and he tells her that after she drops it of she should have Caroline lock him in the walk-in until Sophie gets home. Caroline tells Max she just realized they're the supermodels of waitressing, Max says she just realized her boobs aren't always supposed to hit her sides.
- The production code for this episode was #2J6906.
- The song that plays when the models are dancing with Chestnut is Black Widow by Iggy Azalea, feat. Rita Ora.
- This episode was live-filmed on September 23rd, 2014 at 5pm.
International Air DatesEdit
- UK: March 5, 2015 on E4.
- Lily Aldridge - Herself
- Martha Hunt - Herself
- Drew Droege - Gay Jim
- Michael Cornacchia - Straight Jim
- Vincent M. Ward - Dante
- Rina Karuna - Model Extra #1
- Gabriela Hurst - Model Extra #2
- Kerry Doyle - Model Extra #3